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Oct 11

Soloflesh: Now You Know What To Get Me For Christmas

Remember When You First Touched Yourself?

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When I was a kid discovering my libido through watching Ginger and Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, I performed some weird experiments as my body was changing.  What?  Like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Yeah, you remember when you first got those strange sensations in your penis?  Remember how excited and slightly startled you were when you discovered that touching it made it swell to twice its size?  I sure do.

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And of “bodily experiments”  I did everything from rubbing my head on a blanket to actually fucking the sofa!  You see, that slit between the cushions was too much for me to bear.  I even recall contemplating water balloons filled with warm water but decided against it as even my creepy behavior has its limits.

But what should I happen upon during an innocent porn-surfing session?  That’s right.  Soloflesh.  Looks like where my creepiness ends, some guys’ are just beginning.

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Yes, it looks like some genius took my shameful water balloon thoughts and ran with them.  Oh boy, did he run with them.

It’s so simple yet so wonderful.  It’s a detailed sculpt of a realistic looking pussy and ass (minus butthole?  What gives?) that you fill up with warm water and finger and fuck to your heart’s content.  Creepy?  Absolutely.  A marvelous invention?  That too.

Of course if you’ve had real sex like me, then you’ll sorely miss the stroking and kissing of her spread thighs, her smell, her taste… and yes, her butthole.

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I love, love to eat butthole during coitus.  Yes, a woman’s anus reminds me of a beautiful, puckering flower.  I just have to put my tongue in that.  I just have to.  Eating butthole?  It’s literally the shit.

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But I digress.  Since Soloflesh’s release, wives and girlfriends all over the world have been more tolerant of their stupid men.  Why?  Soloflesh doesn’t spend your money, and it doesn’t talk.

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