Apr 06

Oh, You Crazy Germans


I’d like to report a drastic spike in visitor stats. Yesterday a shit-load of Germans visited Green Gurlz! I’m talking thousands.  Thanks, Germans!

Now I’m not altogether sure what made so many of you flock to my blog yesterday, but I’d like to take this moment to say a few words about your great country.

Historically, Germany has had, shall we say, a stormy past, but all that is… well, history… and now when we think of Germany, we see nothing but a shining cultural gem that has blessed our world with some of the greatest advancements in the areas of art and science.

Oktoberfest Boobs 1

Yes, some of the greatest thinkers throughout history have been German.


Now I can’t think of any at the moment, but I’m pretty sure that’s a true statement.

Women wearing  traditional Bavarian Dirndl pose with beer during 176th Oktoberfest in Munich

Yes, your passion for precision is unparalleled.


Your music, your literature, your poetry… Is there no end to the treasures you have contributed so graciously to our globe?


You’ve even influenced fashion trends the world over… especially in the US at Halloween time.


So here’s to you, Germany!  I raise my stein (though in German it doesn’t mean beer mug, and in English it means bong) to you all.  Keep up the great work, and thanks for reading Green Gurlz!


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Mar 19

Thoughts On Crimea And Little Vlad


At the risk of oversimplifying complex matters of global politics, I’ll say this about Vladimir Putin:  This guy is a fucking little crybaby bitch.  But what makes him intensely problematic for anyone who likes living is that he still sits on a powerful army and a shit-load of nukes.


See, in case you don’t know (and if you’re a reader of this blog, I’m assuming you don’t), Nikita Khrushchev (former Soviet leader) gave the Crimean peninsula to Ukraine in 1954.

k-159 But when the Soviet empire crumbled and ‘the Hunt for Red October’ turned out to be the dismantling of a radioactive pile of junk, the narcissistic, sadistic Putin found himself in the humiliating position of asking for foreign aid in properly containing the nuclear husks that were once the mighty Soviet submarine fleet.

It was perhaps the most glaring example of the discovery by the western world that mother Russia could not deal with its own problems.  Yes, those mad Russian engineers built nuclear-powered weapons without any idea of how to deal with them after they were built.  Pretty lame, huh?


And so little Putin, who never recovered from that national humiliation, is now desperately trying to exercise his imagined manhood by trying to bring this tiny peninsular region back into the Russian fold.  That’s it.  It’s just a little boy, playground scenario on a scale that threatens global security.

I fucking hate this guy.  The Cuban Missile Crisis?  Intercontinental nuclear war averted.  But leave it to this asshole Putin to single-handedly fuck all that up for no other purpose than Russian chest-beating.


Oh, so he’s responding to US sanctions by instituting sanctions of his own?  Like what?  We won’t be able to vacation in Siberia anymore?  Or we’ll be cut off from our borscht supply?  This is a ridiculous little man who does not reside within the world of reality.  Big problem.

What should Obama do if this self-absorbed midget decides to invade the rest of Ukraine?  Should we start backing the Ukrainians militarily like asshole, war-hungry John McCain is clamoring for?  What?  Huh?  Go to war with Russia?  In this day and age?  Go to fucking war with Russia?  Man, Obama has fallen way, way short by the liberal playbook, but am I glad McCain didn’t win the presidency.  I can’t believe he was ever that close to the White House.  Scary shit.

Keep your eye on this story, bitches.  And pray it doesn’t lead to another US / Russia standoff.

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Mar 13

CIA: What Good Are They?

123060-050-1A4F8357The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America is charged with maintaining homeland security by gathering information abroad, yeah?  Well if that is indeed the case, then they have failed at their primary duty time and again and again and again throughout modern intelligence-gathering history.

Now thank God for our great country’s freedom of speech laws.  Otherwise, a lil’ ol’ blogger like me wouldn’t be able to talk shit about our nation’s top spy agency like this for any web surfer to read.  But then again, I strongly doubt that they would ever catch wind of Green Gurlz.  And if they already have, then they’re probably just jerking off to all the naked girl pix just like any other loser.

Hear that, CIA?  You guys fucking suck huge cocks. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?  Nothing.


Now let’s take a quick look at some choice CIA blunders in recent history, shall we?  Let’s.


The US military intervention in Vietnam – US forces getting the shit kicked out of them in a stinking, sweaty jungle by a hardened underground fighting force.  CIA didn’t see that one coming.

Soviet Afghanistan

The Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the 80′s – Came as a complete surprise to the CIA.  And when the US, based on CIA intelligence, gave weapons to the Mujahideen only to abandon Afghanistan after the Soviet withdrawal? They clearly didn’t foresee that those actions would eventually lead to Al Qaeda and Bin Laden.  No, they couldn’t predict that either.


911 – The single most devastating terrorist attack on American soil (that resulted from US action in Afghanistan described above).  CIA was just as shocked as anyone running away from falling rubble in NYC.


The now infamous US invasion of Iraq – “We are absolutely certain that Sadam is making weapons of mass destruction!”  Well, we all know how that one turned out.


The Libyan uprising – You guessed it.  CIA didn’t see that coming.


The attack on the US embassy in Benghazi, Libya – CIA?  Yeah.  Didn’t see it coming.


The Egyptian uprising – The CIA caught wind of it on the evening news just like Joe six pack scratching his crotch on his couch.

Syrian President al-Assad attends opening of 4th Conference of Journalists Union in Damascus

The Assad gassing of his own people in Syria – CIA had no idea that was going to happen.

Soldiers, believed to be Russian, ride on military armoured personnel carriers on a road near the Crimean port city of Sevastopol

And most recently, the Russian incursion into Ukraine – CIA didn’t see it coming.


And yet, these idiots have taken spying on US citizens to the level of sick fetish… and the Senate Intelligence Committee thought that was just fine until when?  That’s right!  Until they started spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee that oversees the CIA!  And guess what?  They got caught.  What a shock.   And now Dianne – it’s perfectly fine to spy on American citizens – Feinstein has her Depend undergarments all up in a bind over it.  Isn’t that ridiculously stupid?

And let me tell you, all of this leads me to the strong suspicion that government expertise as a whole is completely overblown and maybe even propagandized to “keep the citizenry in line.”  If these guys are experts at anything, it’s fucking up.

Thanks, CIA (and US government).  You guys are doing a great job.  And yes, even a child knows how to spell the word respect.  And btw, Respect is an Otis Redding song.

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Mar 12

I Ain’t No Senator’s Son

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Mar 12

I’m On The Dole, We Ain’t For Hire

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Mar 06

I Wish Hillary Won In ’08

New York Senator Hillary Clinton (L) lisQuestion:  Who do ignorant Republicans hate more?  Black men or white women?  The answer is clear.  Black men.

Barack Obama, our first black president, has triggered such unbridled, absolute obstruction from the opposition – an obstruction that is downright historically unprecedented – that we can’t even get the most basic, routine congressional actions completed without taking our economy to the brink (I’m talking about raising the debt ceiling).  I mean, for God’s sake, Republicans these days oppose things that they themselves used to support only because Obama supports them.  Barack Obama, more than anything else, has been (and continues to be) the most politically polarizing figure in presidential history (since the Civil War, of course).  And why?  He’s black.  No other reason.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m thrilled that we finally elected a president of color, and I fully realize the importance of such a presidency, but hell if we (the average working Americans) haven’t suffered because of it.  Put that weed down.  Stop jerking off.  Think of other people for a moment.

See, the Republicans, so blinded by their hatred of black people, reflexively oppose anything Obama supports.  So instead of being the ‘great uniter’ as he set out to be at the outset of his presidency, he wins the prize as the one president who couldn’t get anything done because he received absolutely NO support from across the aisle.  Our system of government, unfortunately, is still a bi-partisan one.  That means in order to get anything done, measures and initiatives have to be approved by both Democrats AND Republicans in our in legislative bodies.  Ain’t that a bitch?

I mean, dear God.  We had Federal unemployment extensions under the Bush Administration.  With Obama, we can’t even have that.  Nor can we have other public assistance programs that struggling Americans so desperately need right now.  Why?  Because the Republicans won’t allow any of it with a black Democrat sitting in the White House.

Our fucked up immigration laws can’t be reformed, food stamps have been cut, minimum wage can’t be raised and unemployed Americans are fucked, fucked, fucked by the millions (and growing every week).  And you know what?  There is nothing – NOTHING – that our government can do to help them.  Bullshit.  They could help all these people like tomorrow with a few quick procedural votes in the motherfucking Congress.  But the Republicans WON’T allow it because we made the mistake of electing a black man.

But what about the Affordable Care Act, you say?  What good is health care to the millions upon millions of Americans who have lost their jobs, their homes, their lives?  Health care?  Give me a fucking break.  I wonder how many Americans out there would rather have a livable wage or a few more months of unemployment checks while they continue to look for work?  Again, health care?  As it stands, that’s like giving someone a manicure while his hair is on fire.

Meanwhile, our government still concerns itself with foreign messes like Afghanistan, Syria and most recently the Ukraine.  We can’t take care of our own people but we go running around trying to fix things for people in foreign countries?  All together now, “What fucking sense does that make?”

Let’s hurry up and get a white woman in the White House already.  Jesus fucking Christ.

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Feb 27

An Ode To Kaitlin Pearson



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Feb 27

Green Gurlz Model Radar: Kaitlin Pearson


Well hello, bitches!  It’s been a while.  I have to say, I’ve been so busy with my photography lately that I haven’t had much time to think about blogging.  But every once in a while, a story comes up that must be reported regardless of how hard I try not to blog.

Hot teachers getting fired for their hot escapades is one of society’s burning issues as far as I’m concerned.  Please see prior articles:

Florida Teacher Olivia Sprauer Forced To Resign For Bikini Modeling!

Hot For Teacher: Kinsley Wentzky, South Carolina Teacher Arrested For Having Sex With Student

California Judges To Stacie Halas: Porn Stars Are NOT Fit To Teach Our Children

But get this.  A Massachusetts model by the name of Kaitlin Pearson, a model I was lusting after even before this happened, got fired from her teacher’s aide job for modeling after someone anonymously left a package of her racy modeling photos on the principal’s desk!  Whew what a mouthful.  But the greater issue here is the eyeful… and that’s exactly what Kaitlin is.






The 23-year-old apple bottomed goddess was put on paid leave as of Jan. 17th, but then she was mysteriously offered her job back.  News Sources simply quote the Superintendent of Schools Andre Ravanelle as saying:

“After reviewing all relevant information, Ms. Kaitlin Pearson was notified Monday afternoon that she could return to work, effective immediately. She resumed her original duties at South Street Elementary School on Tuesday morning.”

Damn straight.  Kaitlin is a booty angel that cannot be touched by the trivial concerns of man… But then again, why do I see two huge goons in leather jackets stuffing a guy’s head into a pizza oven?  Or better yet, why do I see that she may have engineered the whole thing herself for publicity?  I mean, she didn’t even lose out on pay while she was on leave.  Isn’t that called a vacation?  Meh, who knows?



Olivia Sprauer, aka Victoria James (the same earlier reported on), offered this advice to Pearson in an email to HuffPost.

“Do what makes you happy no matter what,” Sprauer said. “Take a risk. Believe in what you can achieve and go get it– even if it isn’t the ‘secure’ choice.”

And thank heaven Kaitlin is following her advice.


Yes, this is actually her too. How super-nerdy-hot is that?

“I’m not going to stop pursuing something I love,” Kaitlin told WBZ-TV’s Lauren Leamanczyk. “I love my kids and I love teaching them and I love modeling.”



And I (and a few other guys out there I’m sure) love that you love modeling, Kaitlin.  So remember, pursue your dreams and don’t let anything stop you.

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Jan 15

Baby You Weren’t Born To Run (For President)

The amazingly talented Jimmy Fallon does Springsteen too?  Is there anything he can’t do?

Now that I look back on it, I’ve ALWAYS liked The Boss.  When the real king of Jersey puts you down, you’re finished.

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Jan 14

As The Great Chris Christie Delivers The State Of The State…

I would like to dedicate to him one of my favorite Manic Street Preachers songs:

Does this mean I’m likening Bridgegate to Watergate?  Sure, why not?  Everyone knows you’re lying, Chris.  So congratulations to the future king who will never be…


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